my soul finds rest in God

We had a mini-review of the semester during family time. (Family time is when the whole floor, or whoever decides to show up, gets together and just chills and talks.) At the beginning of the sem, SD had us write letters to future selves to be read at the end of the sem. So we shared a bit about what we had learned, how we had grown.

I realized I'm a very goal-oriented person. Well, I didn't really realize that because I already knew that. But essentially my whole letter was a list of things I hoped to achieve. Actually, it was really discouraging to read the letter at first because I've failed in all but two or three of my goals. I mean, I guess I didn't fail fail, but I'm definitely not the person I want to be.

But then HS shared about how we never will be the person we want to be, but how we shouldn't be satisfied with where we are, but always strive for better. And that's so true. And also something I knew already. But it never helps to be reminded of these things.

But that's the way with so many things. I know them already. Like in piano. I know I should crescendo here, I know sforzandi are interpreted this way in Beethoven vs. Schumann, I know how I should practice productively. But instead of remembering and applying, I practice mindlessly and waste time and energy. And then Dr. Horn has to go over stuff that I already knew because I can't show that I already know them.

Applying what I absorb is so difficult.

Finals week is right around the corner yo. Fortunately I only have one test, but I have two papers and four juries to play for tomorrow. So it's not a walk in the park. And I signed up to work four hours on Wednesday yay.

Juries sucked on Saturday. Well not totally, but they were not enjoyable. I was definitely not in game mode, so my focus was off and I could have played so much better. I'm not so much worried about my grade as about disappointing Dr. Horn. I know I know, it's not about that either but I can't help but feel bad about it.

After that though I decided to go ice skating with my floor and our brother floor. I wasn't going to because it cost money and because I felt like I should work, but after flipflopping ten million times I decided to. Was it worth my time? Not entirely. I had fun, I mean, but I could have had just as much fun staying back and going up to T7. Ah, the choices I make.

Today Zann and I ended up not going to church because it was snowing pretty hard in the morning. Because our church is 40 minutes away we felt like it was a little bit more risky. So we did church in our room instead. Listened to Pastor Tim's sermon from last week (super-win!), sang a hymn, took an offering. Good stuff.

Last night I got an urge to decorate for Christmas, so I finally did. Put up some garlands and bells around the door frame. Today after "church" we made some snowflakes too, which was really fun.

Ugh this whole first sergeant and command chief business is frustrating me to no end. I feel like I'm in the middle being bounced around. I need to have a real opinion on this!