movie watching

We've been watching at least one movie every week...we just finished Becoming Jane. OH. MY. WORD. Saddest movie ever. But it wasn't a sob your heart out everything's tragic type of sad. It was really really sad but it had closure. James McAvoy is my favorite actor ever. omgosh. HIS EYES. so piercing. AHHHH. and with Anne Hathaway? simply amazing. Their chemistry....ahhhh. indescribable. yes i'm spazzing. ahhhhh. Love love love this movie. New favorite movie. AHHH.

getting it out

How do I know if it's about me? I can't tell. I wish I could get inside your mind. How was I supposed to know you liked me if you were always involved with someone else? That's just stupid. If you never went for me I guess I didn't really mean that much anyway. You know what, maybe it's not me. I'm just reading too much into this. But oh, how I wish I could tell you what I feel! I've always admired you and you know it. Haven't I written e-notes and said encouraging things to you enough? I always felt like I was putting myself out there. Maybe I'm still too reserved. Do I have to be more demonstrative? Are there no guys who are willing to take a chance on me? To run after me and capture my heart?

I'm so frustrated. No. I'm just sad. I feel like I lost someone...who I never had in the first place. What a great way to start my Friday. Sometimes I wonder at myself.

Who am I kidding? As if anything now would lead anywhere. We're too young for love. I should just get over this. I'm tired of trying to talk to you and conversations being awkward. You felt like it was one-sided? I feel like it's completely me. No, that's false. You put yourself in sometimes. But still, what am I supposed to do?

You know what? Forget it. He's probably talking to someone else. I'm getting all worked up over nothing. As usual.

and so it goes...

I've got Billy Joel stuck in my head.

Oh how it gives me joy to write grammatically incorrectly.

Wow did I just say that? Whatever happened to the self-appointed Ms. Grammar Police? Ah well I never blog/journal entirely correctly anyway so it doesn't really matter.

Today was a good day. mostly. I could have practiced more, but I somehow couldn't focus at night. but it's all good, had our first DSG meeting. I really hope it'll be good. I'm gonna do my part to make sure it's real and genuine.

Music Tech was interesting today because an A/V guy came in to talk about headshots and he was super knowledgeable and interesting. I felt really bad because we were really quiet...I tried to think of good questions but they just weren't coming. ><

Spent the morning practicing, then lunch with Grace, she's so coolll. And then did what I've been wanting to do: went downtown to La Spiaza, i.e. a NON-STARBUCKS coffeeshop, to study. I thought I might be distracted but it was actually really quiet and good and I mostly finished my paper yay. Just one transition to work on. thank the Lord I don't have to stay up to finish it. It's a really cute little shop. All the tables are different styles and sizes, there are comfy couches, some toys for kids. The coffee was not super special, but it wasn't bad. And it came in a cool mug. They were playing good music when I got there but then it changed so I plugged in my headphones and typed away to tswift. I was so surprisingly productive, finished my paper and read some of Phantastes too. I really want to work there but the guy says he's not hiring right now but I should check back throughout the year because things will change and he might have openings. I don't really know how to do that without being awkward though...do I just ask if they're hiring every time I go? lol

Choir was good, I stayed completely awake and alert. I thought it was because I had done lots of work today or something but then I realized I had coffee. heh.

My audition for the fall play went quite well. I don't think I bowled the director over with my talent or anything, but he laughed at some of the funny stuff I did so I took that as a good sign. I'm preparing myself for nothing, at least I know I'll have a spot on crew. Results come out this weekend...

Alright, gotta go revise my paper and finish theory. I've been finishing theory homework in class but counterpoint just takes some extra time.

weekend pt. 2

So yesterday I just bummed. I think. I practiced for two hours. Oh wait, went to the farmer's market. Got strawberries! and good coffee! and a yummy scone! And then bro-sis bonfire in the rain. It was okay though. yay s'mores

Today went to First Baptist. I really liked it even though many Wheaton students go there. Worship was amazing and sermon wasn't bad.

After that and saga, I went with some conservies to a nursing home to give a mini-concert and just talk to them. It's gonna be a monthly thing, and I'm excited. I didn't feel like any of my classical stuff was ready, so I decided to play "wo men ai." I'm glad it worked out. I just improvised what I remembered of the intro and played it, different octaves and all that. Good stuff. Met some cool old people - Elizabeth, Clara, Vern, George. Vern said I reminded him of his pseudo-adopted granddaughter who is apparently Chinese. And George...I talked a long time with George lol He's been a Baptist, Presbyterian, Catholic, and Methodist LOL and hates the Lutheran church. Used to be a Navy dentist, during WWII. And then at the end as I was leaving, we had the following conversation (italics are my thoughts):

George: You were very interesting to talk to...

Me: whew, I'm glad I wasn't entirely boring.

George: ...and you're very good-looking...

Me: oooookaayyyy that's like the 5th time some old guy has said that to me...must be the whole exotic Asian thing

George: ....for a....

He stops. If he could look embarrassed, he would have his embarrassed face on.

Me: OH MY GAWSH did he just almost say for a Chinese?

George: well I was going to say for a Chinese girl but then I realized...oh bad me...I shouldn't say that, should I?

Me: Um...no...it's okay...this is so freakin' awkward!!!

Come to think of it, that was highly racist lol. Totally. gosh at the time I was just like, this is crazy and awkward and I don't know why I still like you people. But Vern was a dear, as was an old lady I talked to at the end whose name I forgot. I'm excited about going back.

Letters to Juliet is possibly THE most cheeseball movie EVER. Northanger Abbey is okay, except the ending is a little abrupt.

Tomorrow is Monday...more school...will it never end?

"you were very interesting to talk to, and you're good-looking too...

...for a Chinese girl," said the slightly racist former Navy dentist.

Story of my life. More to come...