being insignificant

I think I just got the nearest to being slandered that I've ever been. I don't know, I might be blowing this out of proportion, but the person I was talking to is certainly not out there to give me a good name. But this isn't about my reputation. This is about truth, and standing up for it.

Where do we draw the line between turning the other cheek and being meek, and standing up for the truth? Or, the question could be, is what I'm sticking my head out for, truth? So, the truth, that is Truth, is worth standing up for. It's not wrong to stand firm on something that is biblically right. But 1 Peter says, "...but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame." [emphasis mine] So we are to proclaim boldly the Truth, though always with gentleness and respect.

I understand that. But what about when you're not sure what you're standing up for is true? (Does Truth equal Right?) What if it's a position you're required to take that isn't morally wrong or right? And someone's beating you down for that position, but it's a standard you have to enforce.

I'm frustrated. I hate it when people throw a barrage of rhetoric at me, because I'm not good at responding to that, nor am I good at even just thinking on my feet, so that I come across as timid or dumb or a pushover.

I wish this issue was resolved.

let's set these guys up for success!!

...and watch them fail.

That's how I feel sometimes, working with CAP cadets. Give 'em all the tools they need and more, and they still fail to complete the task.

My hair is slowly being pulled out. Like I always tell people, the only reason I got the Honor Officer Award last year was because I thoroughly completed every task I was assigned. When you compare what other people do - half-baked plans and ill-written emails - to what I did, you understand why.

Today was a good day, as far as Saturdays go. Except it's bad that I feel accomplished because I actually practiced more than 3 hours today. That should be the norm, not the exception.

Went to see Arena's production of "Eurydice", by Sarah Ruhl, today. Wow. Not at all what I expected, that's for sure. It's based on the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, and I mean, the basic plot was there, for sure, but the treatment was very interesting. It was bleak and almost confusing, and modern in a way I wasn't used to. It was a superb production, to be sure.

I'm still processing it. I came back after it and just tried to journal about it and ended up sleeping about it. It raised questions in my mind - about self-control, and purpose, and choices. I think my brain was also still thinking about what one of the girls I went with was talking about right before - how she had brought one of her friends, or our mutual friend, to Christ just recently.

My brain was very full after that. Had some drama with staff and drill team and made a bunch of phone calls. Then ushering for Artist Series this evening - Polish Philharmonic. They're quite good, very good, really. As far as I can tell. Played Chopin's 1st Piano concerto, with Mikhail something-or-other. He's a fantastic pianist, I just don't remember his name. Boy, that second movement is really somethin'.

And now I'm still up writing up my staff report for Monday. I should go to sleep so I'm well-rested for church.

something to say

I struggle often with significance. Does what I want to say hold meaning, purpose? Does anyone want to hear what I have to say? Do I even have anything to say?

Dr. Schreck says to "write the story you need to write." (In ENGW213 - Creative Writing.) What have I to say about anything that hasn't been said already? Am I the person who needs to tell my story?

We're moving into poetry after spring break. I need to measure my words even more to make them count.

I'm going to make a list. My favorite characters always made lots of lists so I should too.

Things Serfy Thought About Throughout The Day

1. Writing - how hard it is to start, how hard it is to make the words say what I mean.

2. Thoughts - how thinking is so vital to learning but I don't have time to think significantly. Or rather, I have not trained myself to focus on significant thinking.

3. I need to practice more.

4. Am I an interesting person?

5. I consumed way too much sugar today.

6. Boys. I am being honest here! Who should I invite to the Women's Chorale banquet? Should I invite anyone?

7. Encampment stuff - staff issues, communication issues. Issues!

8. Why am I still up?

Lists are cop-outs! I am not writing anything well, or of worth. I have nothing to say.

heart-thought

These are the golden shadow times that veil our urge to express.

We sit, content to shine.

The whisper, the lure of silence.

We sit, ensnared by time.

A brush, a sense of impotence.

These are the misted purple times that crowd our longing to love.

It always surprises me when I find out I'm FB friends with someone that I didn't think I was friends with.

I rejoice. I rejoice in the Lord that I can see the fruits of a personal, deep relationship with Christ in the life of one of my formerly close friends whom I haven't talked to in the longest time. I rejoice for my friend.